I’ve been silent. In some ways I’ve gone on autopilot, doing what needs to be done in my daily life.
It’s all so big and I feel so small...
So small and so privileged.
Privileged to the point of not even being aware of all the ways I am privileged.
So where does one start…? How can I even begin to catch my feelings and thoughts well enough to put them on paper.
As a therapist and a somewhat decent human being, I have empathy. I do my best to understand the person in front of me. But I cannot, there is no way I could, know what it’s like to walk down the street as a person of color.
And in that, because of the freaking color of my skin, I am privileged.
I will never know what it’s like to be pulled over because of how I look, or have someone walk to the other side of the street rather than come face to face with me.
No one looks at me and feels fear, and that makes me privileged.
I am so sick of seeing people bitch about the riots and looting. Yes, I agree that stealing is wrong, but taking a t-shirt or an Apple laptop is a TINY wrong compared to the wrongs people of color have endured in the United States of America. Why have we not been pissed about that??
We are so broken. With no leadership to help guide us out of this mess.
I’m not surprised shit has hit the fan. Enough is enough.
I was born and raised in the whitest of white countries. I didn’t know about race inequality, it wasn’t a part of my upbringing.
That definitely makes me privileged.
When I moved to this country, I wasn’t looked down upon because of my immigrant status because I was white, I looked the part.
When one of my first US boyfriends told me he was nervous about going to visit my parents, I thought he was scared about meeting them. He had to explain to me that the color of his skin, his hispanic heritage was not welcomed where my parents lived. I was 18, I was young and had no idea what he was referring to. We went anyway. A few blocks from their house we were pulled over. The cop made sure I was ok. It still didn’t sink in.
My throat closes as I think about how ignorant I was then, and I’m sure I still am in many ways….
There is no way around it.
I was born white, therefor I am privileged.
Today, as I sit here, I am unsure of what to do with this.
Maybe this is a start. (A privileged start)
For all the ways that I have contributed to the systemic racism in this country, I am sorry.
From the deepest part of me I appologize for my silence and for all the things that I have missed or chosen not to see.
I am sure I’ll make more mistakes, not on purpose, or because a lack of care.
I welcome correction, and I realize that it’s not your job to educate me.
I can promise you that I will do my best to see life without my rose colored privileged lenses, and to speak up more.
Together we can. I have to believe that.